Eli's Story

Elijah Brandon was welcomed into the world on June 7, 2007. The first day of summer. Five siblings, aunts and uncles, and grandparents were awaiting his arrival. Eli lived in the Midwest, next to a cornfield until he was 11. Eli was a normal little guy who loved baseball, swimming, riding bikes, and playing Xbox. The move to Georgia was an adjustment but he handled it well. He enjoyed the new life adventures of four-wheeling, hiking, boating, and beach trips.

Then things started to change the summer before 7th grade. He started to criticize himself more. Peer's opinions met more than mom and dad. From the outside, he looked like a normal kid dealing with the "joys" of puberty. But on the inside, Eli was internalizing every failure no matter how small. He believed every strike out lost the game even though we pointed out he was not the only one. He believed his friends tolerated him but in truth they were there for him and were crushed when he was gone. He measured himself against others academically. If he didn't get the highest grade, he failed (he got B's). He felt he had to be funny so his friends would not see his struggle. He knew he was loved by his family but after three years of negativity my child was having full blown anxiety attacks and heading into major depressive disorder. Of course, we prayed for healing, we did counseling, he journaled, we listened every time he talked, we held him. We tried to protect him from the torment his mind was going through. We used the tools we had in our toolbox, but we didn't know he was suicidal. He kept that to himself.
Eli described his last six months as physically feeling the depression entering his body. He slept as much as he could. He would say his social battery was dead. When that wore off, he would have insomnia, could not concentrate, and his mind raced to the point of a migraine. 

In his journal found after his death, he said he was consumed with the thought of escaping through death. Eli had a breaking point on
April 29th. His mood was different and would not talk about it. Then on Monday, May 2, 2022, he made the decision to escape his pain by taking his life. His pain was passed onto us and his siblings, but his mind was not clear and felt this was the only way out. 

Why tell his story? Because suicide is a hidden illness. What we see as parents of our child coming into his own could be misfiring in their brain. I tell his story because as parents we need to ask the hard questions. The how are feeling about life? question. The do you want to die? question. 

I know you are here most likely reading this because you have a lost a loved one to this mental illness. Like you, I searched for someone who understood the new normal.  Like you, I am more aware of those around me. I want to make sure the family and friends that make up my life are okay. Like you, I search for answers, take comfort he is with God, and wish I had a time machine.

Eli's timeline was short: Welcomed into my arms on June 21, 2007. Baptized on June 14, 2015. Welcomed into Heaven on May 2, 2022. Though short, we pray his life will always be remembered.